Police Report (suspect’s details are filled in at top of report).

Name: Chloe McCarthy

Height: 5’4”

Weight: 50k

Previous convictions : None

Summary: Suspect was apprehended at approximately 13:00 hours on Friday 24th November at Fairy Cakes Patisserie on the corner of 15th and Broderick, after shoppers complained of high-pitched squeals originating from inside. Officers attending the scene were myself and Officer Don Francesco.

After an extensive search I discovered the aggrieved hidden in a vat of icing sugar. He appeared in a state of shock and seemed mildly embarrassed. Minor medical treatment was required to remove icing and cherries from delicate regions of his body.

The suspect is one Chloe McCarthy d.o.b. 05/06/84. McCarthy claims to have a vague recollection of the incident but insisted that she was unable to contain herself when the boy entered the store. She also admitted to dunking him in chocolate and rolling him in sugar before “licking off every last drop”.

McCarthy also made repetitive threats to her victim whilst being restrained by Officer Francesco. She said, “I’m not done with you yet. I never leave without finishing my dessert.”

N.B. Since filing this report the victim has decided not to press charges.